Your Digital Fertility Helper: The Tool That's Easing My Late-Night Angst
It’s free, readily available - and you can use it too.
Instagram: solofertility40s
[Scroll to the bottom for information about the Digital Fertility Helper I've built.]
It’s 2am. I’m wide-eyed, restless, and stuck on repeat.
My mind is whirring through the what-ifs.
The eggs that might be retrieved.
Whether to use PGT-A (a genetic test) again.
How many more IVF cycles I can realistically attempt with my own eggs—especially with my 44th birthday looming fast.
And then there's the sting of that feedback from the doctor. The way he casually suggested “just use donor eggs,” like he was commenting on the weather.
The decisions feel relentless.
And when you're navigating this solo, there’s often no one to talk things through with, exactly when you need it most.
Maybe you know those late-night loops, too.
The deep breathing doesn’t always cut it. The lavender essential oil only scratches the surface.
Sometimes I need perspective right now—a reframe, a little emotional grounding, a sense of something solid beneath me.
Enter AI.
How AI Became My Quiet Companion
In 2024, I did two IVF cycles with my own eggs and donor sperm—one in Spain, one in Greece. I was overwhelmed, not just by logistics and hormones, but by grief. The first cycle ended with three aneuploid embryos (according to PGT-A).
I was devastated.
So I started experimenting with AI—not as a doctor or therapist, but as a quiet research tool.
I’ve always avoided the temptation of self-diagnosis by Dr Google. I wasn’t about to let AI replace proper medical advice.
But for digesting the basics—like understanding fertility supplements, mapping food groups via Mediterranean meal plans, understanding Low-Dose Naltrexone (to reduce inflammation and potential damage to my eggs) or pulling recent studies on ovarian aging—it has become a surprisingly helpful ally.
And best of all?
It’s available at 2am. Free. And not offended by my messiness.
Emotional Support, Too?
As I prepared for my third cycle, I wondered: could AI offer not just facts, but a little emotional steadiness?
Could it become a sort of support companion for those in-between moments—the late nights, the quiet panics before a scan, the long waits, the indecision around major decisions?
I began asking for feedback by entering inputs such as:
“Can you give me a calming mantra?”
“Summarise why a 43-year-old woman might (or might not) test embryos using PGT-A.”
“I feel overwhelmed. Give me three gentle ways to move forward.”
And I started to feel… a little more reassured, and clearer.
How To Use It (If You Want To Try)
You can download ChatGPT for free.
Once you’ve set up an account, try telling it:
You are a fertility support professional. I’m having fertility treatment and I need your guidance.
Your context: “I’m a 43-year-old solo woman living between India and the UK. I’ve done two unsuccessful IVF cycles, in Spain and Greece.”
How you feel: “I’m anxious about my next cycle. Emotionally drained. Worried about the costs.”
What you need: “Help me focus my mindset. I feel despondent and a little negative about a positive outcome. Be gentle.”
Format: Use bullet points and bold headers for ease of reading.
You might be surprised how helpful it can be.
My Inner Geek (Revealed)
I come from a family of software engineers. I was coding on BBC computers at 9, obsessed with games like Repton, and dabbled in programming during my University BSc degree.
I’ve now worked with AI professionally for a couple of years. I’ve experimented with several AI models:
DeepSeek-R1 - built as open-source by the Chinese. I really want to like this platform but it’s not quite there yet. It stalled on simple requests with “server busy” messages.
ChatGPT by OpenAI - I’ve used this one most extensively. It’s attracted a lot of column inches thanks to its charismatic CEO and initial ownership of the AI industry. But popular AI blogger Alberto Romero of the Algorithmic Bridge claims Google Is Winning On Every Front.
Google Gemini - Installed on my Android mobile device. I’m starting to use this more. But frustrated about getting tied to yet another Google product!
NotebookLM - Underpinned by Gemini, I uploaded articles about travel around Vietnam. It scanned the articles and created a podcast answering my queries about affordability, climate and safety. Impressive, and I’ve only scratched the surface.
Claude.ai - Starting to experiment with it. I like that it’s stated goal is to develop AI systems that are "helpful, harmless, and honest," prioritising safety and ethics.
But words are my code.
That’s where I find healing, expression, connection.
And that’s also why I’m so aware of what AI can’t do.
It can sound supportive.
It can reflect back warm language.
But it doesn’t feel.
It’s like a mirror reflecting sunlight—it can mimic warmth, but never generate it.
For me, AI is no substitute for the qualities that make us human.
In a meeting with a professional therapist, we experience the therapeutic encounter. I’ve first-hand insight of the power and importance of establishing this, thanks to my Shiatsu work (I run my practice between the UK and India.)
Why AI Isn’t A Therapist
Think of AI like a sociopath—not in a sinister way, but in the sense that it may grasp what you’re feeling (that’s called cognitive empathy), but it doesn’t feel it with you (affective empathy). It’s impossible.
My lovely British Infertility Counselling Association fertility therapist, Louise, listens closely, remembers my previous comments, is skilled at asking the right questions and demonstrates unconditional positive regard.
Here’s where they differ:
Emotional Intuition vs Pattern Recognition
A therapist senses subtle cues. AI sees keywords.Boundaries and Ethics
A therapist is accountable. AI is programmable.Relationship Depth
A therapist knows you, builds real continuity. AI responds in the moment.Crisis Support
A therapist can hold space during trauma. AI can’t keep you safe in those depths.Facilitating Growth
A therapist co-creates healing. AI reflects your input, but doesn’t help you transform.
Still, there’s a place for AI.
I Built a Custom Digital Fertility Helper
After weeks of interacting with AI to ease my fertility fog, I decided to design a version that spoke to me—clearly, kindly, no cheesy wellness quotes, no “holding space.” PUT IT DOWN!
I built a CustomGPT called the Digital Fertility Helper (DFH).
I almost called it a Friend, or Companion. But that felt too human. This isn’t a person. It’s not trying to be. And that’s okay.
Specifically, I wanted it to:
Greet me when I check-in.
Ask me about my mood and mindset.
Follow specific rules eg. to never give unsolicited advice, or comment on medical matters.
Where DFH Helps
The DFH doesn’t replace therapy.
But it does offer presence. A sense of being gently met, when I’m tired, or wired, or wobbling before a scan or injection.
It gives me the clarity to keep going - keep my eyes on the prize.
Right now, I’m refining it. Testing new prompts. Seeing how it can better support solo women in this space.
More to come soon.
In the meantime, may you find whatever tools help you keep moving through this path—one late night at a time. Maybe nothing soothes the 2am thoughts completely.
But this little helper?
It brings a moment of calm when I need it.
I’ll soon share how to access it—along with more stories for solo women navigating fertility treatment in their 40s.
Subscribe below to stay connected.
FREE: Resources page on Solo Fertility 40s with my favourite webinars, articles, forums and podcasts.
FREE: 10 Important Questions for Your Fertility Consultation
Sarah x
SEND A SMOOTHIE: Each story takes me around 4 hours to write, edit, test and send. I do this alongside my day job. I’m powered by daily berry smoothies! If you find my stories useful, you are welcome to show your appreciation by gifting one.
