Why Getting Started With Fertility Treatment Is So Challenging For Solo Women +40 (& A Plan To Make It Easier)
It's a minefield at the beginning - but it doesn't have to be.
Instagram: @solofertility40s
Hey there,
Getting started with my fertility treatment in 2024 was a blur.
I read through my test results sitting in a cafe in Goa. Panic rose from my stomach, through my throat and to my eyes. Tears erupted as I read my low AMH score.
I cried as quietly as I could.
I always knew I wanted to be a mother. How had I left it so late?
(Hmmm, ‘late’. Just one of several medical biases that blame us for ‘poor timing’ despite the valid reasons why so many of us delay motherhood).
So I got moving, fast.
Too fast.
A knee-jerk reaction saw me sign up to the first clinic I consulted with. I had no idea what to ask, or what to look for. The clinic was recommended by a friend. (This isn’t a good way to make your choice.)
The start of my fertility treatment could have been so different. Calmer, smoother, more assured.
But getting started with treatment is hard.
Far harder than it needs to be.
Through our teens and most fertile years, we are told, as if by mantra, "don't get pregnant". So I dutifully took the necessary precautions, prioritised my career and looked out for Prince Charming.
Still waiting.
Related: No need for Prince Charming (podcast)
So my choices were to give up on motherhood; else re-write the narrative on what it means to be a family. Solo motherhood works for many other women. I concluded the same could apply to me.
Doctors warn you about declining fertility, but when you’re finally ready to act, the current system makes it ridiculously hard. You’re hit with overwhelming decisions—clinics, sperm banks, treatments—while juggling financial stress, medical bias, societal judgement and the emotional weight of going it alone.
Meanwhile, resources seem geared toward younger women or couples, leaving solo women to figure things out on their own.
I know because I’ve been there. (And I have more IVF treatment scheduled.)
Related read: Why I Chose Embryolab, Greece
That’s why today, we’re tackling exactly why getting started is so challenging - and how I plan to make it easier.
✅ The biggest obstacles solo women over 40 face when starting fertility treatment
✅ Why the system isn’t set up for us - and what needs to change
✅ My plan to simplify this process and help more women take action
If you’ve ever felt stuck, confused, or completely alone in this journey, you’re not imagining it - and you’re not alone.
Let’s dive in.
The biggest obstacles solo women +40 face when starting fertility treatment
Finding the right clinic – Most clinics cater to younger couples and may not be upfront about their success rates with older women or single parents.
Related read: 10 Red Flags (And Green Flags) To Look Out For When Choosing Your IVF Clinic
Information overload – There’s so much (often conflicting) advice online that it’s easy to feel paralysed by indecision. Plus with some aspects of fertility treatment, there is no clear consensus. Decisions are a personal preference (ideally made in tandem with your doctor).
Financial strain – IVF is expensive, and navigating insurance (or lack thereof) adds another layer of stress.
Medical bias – Some doctors may be discouraging or push you toward egg donation before you’ve tried your best with you own eggs.
Emotional weight – Making so many big decisions alone can feel overwhelming and isolating. It’s especially hard if you lack support from friends and family.
Why the system isn’t set up for us—and what needs to change
After my first failed cycle in Spain, I dived into online research.
I wanted answers to difficult questions:
How did I end up with three aneuploid embryos?
What can I do to improve egg quality?
Will I ever find a euploid egg?
The more I read, the more disappointed I felt.
Trawling the fertility channels on social media was exhausting. I had no idea whose [blueprint/framework/diet plan] would truly improve my chances.
Then there’s the thousands we pay for fertility treatment. A fertility industry valued at $36.53 billion is a lucrative one - and yet where is the empathy, or patient care, or emotional support for what is one of the most emotionally challenging processes you can undertake?
Time and again, it feels the fertility industry falls far short of the service that we deserve in exchange for our hard-earned cash.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
Clinics seem designed for couples, not solo women.
Fertility marketing, consultation processes, and even patient forms assume you have a partner. As a solo woman, I’ve often felt like an afterthought.
A one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work.
Many clinics follow protocols designed for younger women or couples trying naturally first. Solo women over 40 often need a more direct, tailored approach. But few clinics tailor their treatments accordingly. Finding a doctor who will provide a personalised protocol can be a challenge.
Related read: Have I Just Struck Gold? After 8 Months Searching, A Fertility Doctor Has Finally Uttered The Magic Words
Lack of emotional and logistical support.
Couples have built-in support systems. But solo women must manage the treatment process, and countless challenging decisions, alone. External support networks for solo women do exist, but can be harder to find.
The SMBC app launched in 2024 to connect women around the world at different stages of their paths to motherhood. I’ve met some fantastic women of a similar age, also trying for a baby.
A couple of the communities I’ve joined in the app
Medical bias skews treatment recommendations.
Some doctors recommend egg donation without properly assessing a woman’s individual fertility potential. The assumption that older solo women have “run out of time” leads to rushed decisions rather than personalised treatment plans.
Donor eggs are suggested after one failed IVF cycle, rather than considering other protocols. This is why it’s vital to choose a doctor who will ‘partner’ with you across several cycles.
Financial barriers are steeper.
Without a partner to share costs, solo women have a greater financial burden. And because fertility insurance is often linked to traditional family structures, many solo women have to pay entirely out of pocket (if insurance is even an option).
What needs to change
This is a big topic.
Here’s a few thoughts following two failed own egg IVF cycles - and preparing for more, again using own eggs and donor sperm.
✅ Clinics should develop dedicated pathways for solo women.
More transparent success rates, targeted protocols, and clearer guidance for single patients.
✅ Medical professionals need to check their bias.
Every patient deserves an individualised approach, not assumptions based on age or relationship status.
✅ More emotional and community support should be available.
Clinics and fertility networks should provide better resources for solo women to find support—whether through peer groups, coaching, or therapy.
✅ Financial assistance should be more accessible.
Fertility financing, grants, and workplace benefits need to evolve to accommodate single women pursuing motherhood.
A plan to simplify this process and help more women take action
Most fertility clinics are designed for couples, not single women over 40.
There can be suggestions that you’re a less ideal patient. Or some might refuse to treat you. If you’re just getting started, you deserve a supportive system that meets your needs.
There’s a huge gap in clear, step-by-step guidance for solo women navigating fertility treatment.
I want to change that.
I’m creating the guide I wish I’d had, when I was that lonely, overwhelmed woman, crying in the cafe.
“The 5-step plan to help women get started with IVF—for solo women +40.”
It’s also relevant if you’re starting off with Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). (This wasn’t recommended for me, given my AMH and turning 43 when I started treatment.)
I’m bringing together a small group of women to discuss
getting started;
your specific challenges;
the 5 step plan to guide your decision making.
Totally free.
Sound good?
Register your interest.
Let’s make sure your IVF journey is informed, not just hopeful.
FREE: Resources page on Solo Fertility 40s with my favourite webinars, articles, forums and podcasts.
FREE: 10 Important Questions for Your Fertility Consultation
Sarah x
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