The Unlock That Helped Me Say Yes To Solo Motherhood
Moving to India, I finally found the conditions that nutured me; and a way for me to nurture new life
Instagram: solofertility40s
I never thought I’d do it alone.
But here I am, aiming to be a solo mother. It all started with a leap into the unknown.
I turned 39 and was so single, and desperate to be a mother.
I’d spent 15 years living fast and late and wild in London, and my health was deteriorating. I was trapped in cycles of different stresses.
The financial pressure of a mortgage; a Corporate career that had become an income, rather than a passion; and repeated car crash dates like scenes from a tragic comedy. Meanwhile, the clock was ticking.
Loudly.
For years, I had clung to the idea that motherhood had to come wrapped in a traditional package—partner, stability, a neat and tidy life.
But life had other plans.
The Breaking Point
I was stuck in a high-pressure corporate job that paid well but depleted me.
And I'd had enough.
When a contract was suddenly pulled in April 2019, it was a blessing and a curse. Suddenly, I was free—but not in the way I had imagined. Unemployment was not the liberation I’d dreamed of; it was terrifying.
But it allowed me space to finish my three year Shiatsu Diploma and - most significantly - prioritise my health. Yet reality loomed: I liked earning; I liked being part of a team, and I had bills to pay.
I was flying really solo; and running on empty.
I had no income, an expensive London flat, and a baby-shaped hole in my heart. Around this time, I started to avoid places that I knew would be stuffed with children and bustling mummies.
Dating apps were a battlefield of disappointment, and my health worsened under the weight of stress, cold winters, and the city’s relentless grind.
Then the signs came.
A friend mentioned Goa. I’d always wanted to return after getting a taste of Kerala and Delhi for a colleague’s wedding. A car passed me on my local high street in London with a number plate ended in GOA.
It sealed the deal.
Six weeks later, I had packed up my entire London life and flown to Goa on a one-way ticket - with no plan.
Shortly after, India went into swift and sudden lockdown.
I’d arrived in perfect time.
Forced to be still, my health improved rapidly. I dodged two repatriation flights. Friends returned to the UK and then phoned in haste to tell me to stay put.
I didn't leave for 2.5 years.
The Shift That Changed Everything
I arrived in Goa expecting an escape, but I found something deeper—space.
Space to think, to heal, to ask myself, What do I really want?
With my flat rented out and my expenses drastically reduced, I began offering my new Shiatsu skills. And there were loads of stressed out tourists who needed them!
My days slowed down. I could finally breathe.
And in that stillness, I saw a truth I had avoided for years: the perfect partner wasn’t coming. If I wanted to be a mother, I had to make it happen—alone.
But how?
Taking the First Steps
In May 2024, I was approaching 43 years old.
I wandered down my local beach in Goa, talking with a friend in Australia.
“Yeah, you’re in a good position. Get going!”
I saw my friend loving her solo motherhood life in Melbourne, with her gorgeous daughter conceived from donor egg and sperm. Surely this path could be for me, too?
So I did all the required blood tests. And sat in a cafe quietly sobbing when I got the results. My AMH was so low. I panicked and signed up to the Spanish clinic my friend had used. I did no other research.
(Big mistake.)
Fast forward ten months and I've done two IVF cycles of varying success, and am preparing for another.
I'm again in India, seeing children embraced by local people, and carried around restaurants by cheery waiters. Little people run around naked on the beach, and mix with children and adults of all nationalities. It feels right.
Next week, I'm going to the baby-naming ceremony of my waiter friend in his fishermen neighbourhood. Twelve days after the birth, people gather to welcome the new person into the community.
It’s the customs we lack in the west.
In the UK, I've joined a Sussex-based solo mums Whatsapp group, and identified local schools and nurseries. Being a solo mum feels possible, realistic and manageable.
I will make it work, just like any other solo woman.
The Solo Motherhood Path
Here’s the life changes that unlocked things for me.
We don't all need to be a giant cliche and crash out of PR world with burnout; and go to India to find ourselves (!)
But India certainly brought a change of rhythm and perspective. Plus a brighter outlook which helped me see a way forward.
If you're feeling stuck, how could you get a change of perspective?
What Worked:
Moving to India; reducing my costs; healing burnout; and thriving.
My new Shiatsu skill-set, which also benefited my own health, and brought income.
New cultural insights on motherhood: India’s cohesive communities, family traditions and seeing how new mothers and babies are nurtured by ‘The Village’.
What Didn’t:
Pouring energy into dating apps that led nowhere.
Waiting for external circumstances to change instead of taking action.
Trying to cover sky-high London costs while sinking in stress.
The biggest shift?
Letting go of the old narrative. I no longer saw solo motherhood as a last resort. It became my path, one I was choosing deliberately.
And a leap that was made possible by being pragmatic (which helps me feel secure). This might be less important for others.
The Hardest Parts—and How I Overcame Them
1. The Fear of Doing It Alone
The idea of raising a child without a partner felt daunting. But the more I read about solo mothers, the more I saw I wouldn’t be alone. I could build my own village—friends, chosen family, community support. And experiment with living in both India and the UK.
2. Financial Uncertainty
I had left a stable corporate job. The thought of providing for a child was overwhelming. But I focused on what I could control: lowering costs, generating income through Shiatsu, and planning wisely. Plus I’ve returned to Corporate on my terms, with a new focus on medical technologies.
3. The Logistics of Fertility
Solo motherhood means navigating fertility treatments, donor choices, and the incredibly complex big business of fertility. It’s fraught with challenges. But I’ve met some fantastic women who I’m so grateful for. In this sense, the village is already forming.
Where I Am Now
I took the leap. I started the fertility process. And while I don’t know the ending, I know this: I am on my path. One I chose. One that fits me.
Some people call this decision brave. And that moving to India was brave.
I disagree.
When the pain of inaction outweighs the fear of change, taking action becomes the obvious choice.
For me, it would be a greater pain to do nothing, as a solo woman, and let motherhood pass my by. I’m not letting that happen.
If you’re in the same place I was—dreaming of motherhood but paralysed by fear—know this: there is no right way to do this.
There is only your way.
Want to Take the Next Step?
For more stories about navigating the business of fertility, solo motherhood over 40 and managing your fertility treatment, leave your email:
The beginning of my fertility treatment was overwhelming and confusing. Information specific to me as a single 42 year old woman was scattered all over the internet.
So I created Solo Fertility 40s.
Related resources:
Book - “We Are Family”
Podcast - No Need For Price Charming
Coming soon: "The 5 Steps to Start Your Fertility Journey, As A Solo Woman +40 (Without The Stress & Overwhelm)"
It's the guide I wish I'd had when I was starting out aged 42. It's free.
Leave your email to get a copy:
FREE: Resources page on Solo Fertility 40s with my favourite webinars, articles, forums and podcasts. I’m adding to this all the time so keep checking back.
FREE: 10 Important Questions for Your Fertility Consultation
Sarah x
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