Misleading Fertility Messaging - And What Solo Women Over 40 Deserve To Hear Instead
Reflections from the Fertility Show in London, including the much-repeated fertility myths. Don’t let them trip you up.
Although there were signs that the fertility world is finally starting to take a more holistic perspective, the recent Fertility Show in London repeated the same tired, and ultimately, misleading messages. If only they’d disappear to the land of myth and unicorns.
When you're getting started with fertility treatment - especially as a solo woman over 40 - you're incredibly vulnerable to bad advice dressed up as expertise.
And unfortunately, much of what you hear at fertility events and on the fertility socials, or even in the first consults with clinics, isn’t what truly matters.
The problem?
Clinics are businesses. They want your wallet, not your wisdom.
And the faster you start, the less time you have to ask the important questions.
(This was me, getting started in a rush by my first clinic in Spain, June 2024, because my low AMH score made me panic.)
Here are the tired headlines still doing the rounds, as spotted by my nutritionist Milena @rootandleaf.nutrition at the recent Fertility Show in London, UK. And relayed in her instagram post.
“Fertility falls off a cliff at 35”
This is based on 17th-century data from French birth records - and yet it’s still used to frighten women into rushed decisions. Yes, fertility declines with age, but it’s a slope, not a cliff. Many women conceive in their 40s naturally and with support - especially with the right strategy tailored to your biology.
I explore this more here:
Busting Fertility Myths With Data: 3 Things I Loved About This Podcast With An Economist (& Why)
“AMH is the holy grail”
AMH (Anti-Müllerian Hormone) gives a rough idea of how many eggs may be available, but it says nothing about egg quality. For women over 40, it’s quality - not quantity - that truly determines success. Over-focusing on AMH can leave you disheartened or misled into the wrong protocol.
When I first ventured onto the fertility socials, I discovered a lot of women obsessing about their AMH scores. Reading about Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR) made me panic even more. My time and energy would have been better focused elsewhere.
Dr. Norbert Gleicher, MD, Founder of the Center for Human Reproduction (NYC), known for treating women over 40:
“AMH is not a marker of fertility. It’s a marker of quantity, not quality. Women with low AMH can still conceive with their own eggs - even over 40.”
“IVF will solve it all” or “No harm in trying one round”
IVF isn’t a guarantee. It’s a tool - and not always the right one. ‘Trying one round’ can quickly spiral into three or four, without ever understanding why it’s not working. Success depends on preparation, inflammation levels, sperm quality, and personalised timing - not blind hope.
“We’ll investigate… after a few failed cycles”
This is a red flag. You deserve a full diagnostic picture before treatment - not after your body, wallet and hopes have been hammered. Waiting until repeated failure to investigate causes unnecessary trauma and expense.
“Men’s age and sperm health don’t matter - we’ll just do ICSI”
Male factor issues are often under-investigated, yet poor sperm quality increases miscarriage risk and reduces embryo viability - even with ICSI. Age affects men too, and DNA fragmentation matters. If you're solo, using donor sperm, you still need to ask the right questions about its quality.
A hopeful note
Milena sensed a subtle but noticeable move toward more holistic, whole-body awareness in fertility conversations.
As a Shiatsu Practitioner, I’ve long held the view that we are inextricably influenced by and attached to our surroundings. It's highly symbiotic.
Considering bits of us in isolation - a reductionist perspective favoured by western medicine - leaves us blind to all the factors impacting our general health, including fertility.
Clinics like Plan Your Baby and Avenues Life, both in the UK, take a broader, more holistic view of assessing health and fertility.
Milena, Root & Leaf Nutrition says:
“Fertility isn’t just about ovaries and egg counts - it’s about the whole ecosystem of your body. A holistic approach looks at inflammation, stress, gut health, and hormones together. The right nutrition doesn’t just ‘support’ fertility - it can shift the entire foundation that IVF success is built on.”
So, what is worth focusing on?
Your egg quality - and how to support it
Inflammation, gut health, and stress resilience
Understanding sperm quality, even if it’s from a donor
Tailored diagnostics before treatment - upfront investigations to spot potential issues rather than spending thousands and only then investigating.*
Your own intuition (yes, that too)
Hard truth
The fertility industry isn’t built for women who ask questions. It prefers women to keep quiet, listen to the experts and ignore their intuition.
It’s built for volume, efficiency and profit-making.
Once I understood fertility as big business, my awareness shifted and my approach became far more proactive and informed.
Else you can be the silent woman who doesn’t ask questions. It’s your choice.
Were you at the Fertility Show?
What did you notice about the messaging?
Did you feel seen - or sold to?
Hit reply or comment.
*PS: If you’ve never had proper diagnostic testing tailored to you - not just a generic “fertility MOT” - that’s something to prioritise before treatment. I’ll share more on what that looks like in an upcoming post.
FREE: Resources page on Solo Fertility 40s with my favourite webinars, articles, forums and podcasts.
FREE: 10 Important Questions for Your Fertility Consultation (download)
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Women seeking treatment for infertility should educate themselves as much as possible. This includes reading the stories of other women who’ve gone on this challenging journey. Numerous personal stories can be found on internet websites which include Fertility Friends and Stirrup Queens Blogroll.
Podcasts, such as Progeny, also provide both educational episodes and interviews with fertility warriors who’ve experienced a variety of challenges and successes.
I recommend listing the names of tests that fertility challenged women have been advised to take and the purposes of the tests. The woman seeking treatment should ask her Reproductive Endocrinologist about these tests and whether she should take them. Too many women aren’t advised to do that sort of medical investigation until after they’ve had failed cycles or pregnancy loss.
A little reality in expectations is important. If the medical odds of a woman being able to have a genetic child are not good she should evaluate what is most important to her, have a genetic child or be childless, or whether she really really wants to be a mom. If the latter is her choice then embryo donation, using an egg donor or adoption can all be wonderful ways to become a parent.
Last, I so much wish that women would start awakening to the reality of their biological clock in their late twenties or early thirties. Currently many don’t awaken to that reality until their late thirties or their forties, a time when the fertility challenges are greater.